|Posted on February 22, 2016 at 7:50 AM|
This is not the blog I intended to write this week. It is not the blog I’ve been working on like crazy. It is not the blog I was researching. But things happen. Life happens. And when it does I need to write. Especially when what happened was that I hurt, I struggled, and I lost my balance. It was only for a few hours, but still, it felt all consuming at the time. The specifics don’t really matter, in fact they don’t matter at all. Sure I could tell you about them, but then I would be reliving the experience (no thank you), I would be focusing on it (asking for more of it), and giving you information that would not serve you well in any way (I like you too much for that).
I don’t know about you, but when I find myself down or upset, the first questions I ask are; “What should I be doing that I am not?” or “Where am I not doing enough self examination?” or “What am I missing in my daily emotional work?” In other words I self blame. I mean if something isn’t right, it must be me, I had to have failed somewhere and that’s not egocentric at all….I tend to forget that I am doing my work, I am reflective and I am enough. Memo to self: this current event or information does not define you. It is neutral until I attach drama and meaning to it. It carries no weight if I do not create a story around it in your head. It simply is. End of story. Damn why is that so difficult sometimes? One minute I am breezing through my day with smiles and gratitude, and the next I am swirling in sadness, second guesses and suppositions about others’ behaviors.
At this point, I need to thank my daughter in law for gently and firmly reminding me of whom I am in a moment when I could not remember it myself. Because while I am not a proponent of rehashing or venting, I am a big fan of having someone to check in with who simply holds up and mirror, and says, “Here is who you are, remember?” I am a big fan of having someone who, with compassion and love, is able to give you about 20 seconds and then gently reminds you to step back on your path and be you. Thank you darling soul.
So now I’m clear, how do I regain my footing? It isn’t always as easy as recognizing that we have lost it. Stepping off our path, even for a couple of hours can leave us feeling off-center, a bit lost. And if it lasts longer, we can temporarily lose our sense of self. To begin with, I take several deep breaths, big surprise right? And then, cliche as it sounds, I go back to basics. I do some yoga and some meditation. I drink lots of water. I put myself on a regular sleep schedule. I get a massage. I go outdoors. I eat clean. I give gratitude. I take long warm showers. I find my way back through behaviors that restore me. But mostly I remind myself that this life is an adventure, and that moment? It was just a bit of a stumble. I am here as an observer and as a student. It is not my job to orchestrate and to judge and to problem solve. It is my work to love and to find joy and to give gratitude, and to let others find their way. And to bless their path even when I don’t understand or even like it.
Because the truth is that no matter who you are, or how enlightened or evolved you are, you are going to have a day, or an hour, now and then when you forget your shit. When you forget that you are eternal and divine. You forget that you are both perfect and yet still learning to hold your authenticity as your own. When you place importance on the unimportant. When you let minutia become front and center. That is part of this human experience, and there’s no getting around it. So the next time you find yourself swirling in chaos, or perhaps just listing a bit off course, breathe and move and check in with someone who truly knows you. Someone who will honor you without getting into “it” with you. Don’t stay in your head or your drama one moment longer. The second you realize it, stop participating. Stop and look around for your path and get your ass back on it my love. That’s the job you signed up for when you came, and every time it gets easier. And as always, I will be holding you all in light and love. Flow baby, flow.