Stacey Castor Life Coach

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be very you

Posted on October 30, 2016 at 10:50 AM

I saw a post the other day where Jaden Smith (as in Will and Jada Pinkett Smith’s son), was talking about community, giving back, and small decisions that result in a big impact, among other things. He was articulate and informed and I felt moved. I felt moved the way I often do when young people talk with purpose and passion. And as I got to the end of the article I couldn’t help but notice the first comment--I know, I know. Never read the comments. But I did. And this person commented that what he was saying was worthwhile, but could he be less, well less Jaden Smith about it. I read the sentence twice. Three times.


Well, there it is. Our inability to observe and witness others in all their them-ness with awe and wonder and appreciation. Oh we think they are wonderful, but… Well of course he has a point, but… Could she just be a little less…. Why is that? Why is it that when individuality fully blossoms we cringe and become uncomfortable and wish it was just a little less than whatever it is? Why can we not just stop and admire without criticizing and commenting on how we believe someone else could do a better job of being them? Seriously, think of the absurdity of that statement. Why do we ask others to hide large parts of themselves? Why do we exert so much energy trying to only show those parts of us that we think others want to see?



And yet, there is no denying that we are constantly asking people to shrink a little, to shove themselves into the currently available slots. We ask individuals to be less individual. And for god’s sake why? Are we really that much more comfortable with sameness? Our homes, our clothing, our cars, our very lives would indicate we are. Not that I am advocating for difference just for the sake of being different. I am talking about the differences that are born within the soul. That beg to come out and be heard and seen. There is such beauty in variety and yet we have such difficulty embracing it.



The world is full of hurt and overly self-conscious beings trying to be who others want and expect them to be. It is teeming with people who haven’t a clue how to be true to themselves because that inner voice was silenced long ago; with those who lash out and cause pain or completely retreat into themselves because they don’t understand where their pain is coming from or what’s missing in their lives. When we twist and contort and silence ourselves for approval or to avoid criticism, we create internal misery.



What are we afraid the end result will be if we lighten up a little bit? What is the worst that can happen if we give each other the space and the freedom to explore and play with our own possibilities? What ugliness comes from loving ourselves and each other enough to say, “You be whatever brings you joy and I’ll do the same?”



We are so indoctrinated to conform, it takes practice to be ourselves. We are so busy, we have to work to find them time to listen to our inner voice. We are so used to looking for approval from others that we forget how it feels to seek it from and for ourselves. But this week give you some thought. Give you some time. Stop seeking outside approval. Stop caring what other people think about you and start giving a damn about meeting your own expectations. About loving yourself. Do what you approve of and desire from the center of your being. There is no way to get everyone’s stamp of approval, so why not seek approval from the most important person? Why not just be you and let everyone else adjust to that?



Start listening to your heart dear ones. Start listening to your soul. Start following the path you came to walk in all your cosmic wisdom. You need no one’s guidance, no one’s approval, no one’s opinion. You are brilliant. You are the result of billions of years of evolution. So this week be amazing my loves, be damned amazing!






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1 Comment

Reply Zohra Jacobs
3:25 AM on July 22, 2019 
Those comments are never a good idea! Thank you for this post! A beautiful reminder to allow people to bloom & shine in their fullness! So much love to you ❤️