Stacey Castor Life Coach

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judgements, voices, and choices

Posted on June 13, 2017 at 10:45 AM

One of the concepts I understood twenty some years ago is that people who judge others are also judging themselves. Harshly. It first came up in my consciousness with a student, then a patient, and then, of course, internally because that’s just how the Universe works. The rub is that even when we get a concept cognitively we can’t necessarily transfer that shit to our hearts, because knowing isn’t doing. Awareness isn’t ownership. Thinking isn’t being. Maybe because it’s too painful, or too much work, or the tools to do so evade us. I don’t know, but one thing I am clear on is that most of us are struggling with some form of this issue. So over the last few decades I have revisited this subject both personally and professionally, oh I don’t know, about a million damn times.

Lately every conversation I have with a friend or client invariably turns to their internal dialogue berating them and telling them in one way or another that they are unworthy. And not just unworthy-ish, unworthy as hell. And you know what? I’m not ok with this. I’m not ok with people I love or care about, or even strangers and people I disagree with, talking themselves out of owning the fact that they are worthy as hell of every damn thing they desire. So let’s look at this bad-mouthing voice to whom everyone seems to give so much credit. Marianne Williamson said, “Our deepest fear is not that we are inadequate. Our deepest fear is that we are powerful beyond measure. It is our light, not our darkness that most frightens us.” And fears source from that internal dialogue, so let’s silence this beast once and for all, shall we?

First and foremost hear and understand that this voice you hear chattering at you all day is not your voice. It is a recording of everything that you’ve ever been told. Second, it doesn’t tell the truth. Like ever. If you listen closely you will see that it regrets and rehashes the past, worries and frets over the future, and criticizes you and others. Thirdly, it antagonizes, stirs the pot, picks fights, insults, and berates. Would you listen to a friend that consistently talked to you like that? Would you want to have the same conversations day in and day out with said friend? Yeah, my point exactly. And yet, studies show that up to 90% of your thoughts on any given day are the same thoughts as the days before. So clearly this is exactly what we’re doing!

So if this internal dialogue isn’t you, where the hell is your true, authentic voice, and why is it so difficult to hear? It’s there inside you, listening and watching. Quiet but not silent. Soft but infinitely powerful. But unlike the noisy chatter of your programming, you have to get still and turn inward to hear it. You must tune into the nuances of how it communicates, through feelings, desires, and intuition. You must, after all these decades, send the message that you are ready to listen. Really listen. And you do this by making it a priority. You do this by telling your chatter that you will be placing your attention elsewhere. You do this by watching and witnessing your thoughts and then choosing them the same way you choose what to wear from your closet, or what to eat from a menu. You choose again and again and again. And then you choose again. This is how it works loves. There are no short cuts. There is no magic potion. There is no formula to make it easy. You do it. And then you do it again.

Reprogramming your brain, which is what you will be doing, is not easy. And when you don’t immediately succeed, guess what? Your chatter will simply add this to the list of reasons you are not worthy. So what? Shine the light of awareness on your hateful chatter and say, “I see you. I see you for what you are.” And then, easily and without resistance to the chatter, turn towards better feeling thoughts. Turn towards better feelings. Genuinely ask what would make you feel better in this moment and then indulge yourself. You do not have to be a victim to the programming that others equipped you with, nor do you have to navigate your life by it. So choose. Choose today to stop judging. Choose to stop listening to the chatter. Choose consciously. Choose with love. And then tomorrow? Choose again dear one.

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